The Traumatized (Dark Souls Short Story 8)
by MrsLittletall
Summary: Ornstein just can't word out what he really wants. This is driving Smough mad. Relationship: Dragon Slayer Ornstein/Executioner Smough


„Why do you keep doing this?"

Ornstein looked small. Well, smaller as usual, for Smough his boyfriend looked small all the time because of his own massive size. A size that made him easily able to pick Ornstein up and carry him around. And Ornstein had kept faking sickness or injury lately to make Smough carry him. Even though Smough had already told him several times if he would want to be carried around, he just needed to ask.

Ornstein avoided the gaze of his boyfriend, staring at the floor in silence instead.

„I already told you, I don't mind to pick you up, all you have to do is ask.", Smough asked. He had started to get mad at Ornstein, finding it hard to keep his calm. It would help if Ornstein would at least talk.

Ornstein still kept his gaze on the floor, but then started to whisper: „... I can't do it..."

„Could you say this again, please? A little louder?" Smough had barely been able to understand a word and wanted to confirm if he had heard right.

„Because I can't do it!", Ornstein suddenly shouted at Smough. „I just can't ask. I can't..."

Smough felt physically hurt at this statement. „But why?", he asked, laying his hands on the shoulders of the dragon slayer. „Don't you trust me?"

„Of course I trust you!", Ornstein immediately said, this time looking into his boyfriends eyes.

"Then why it is so difficult for you to just ask? Why do you think you have to keep lying to me?" At this words, Ornstein pulled back again, avoided his gaze and fell silent once more. "Forget it!", Smough angrily grumbled and rushed out of the room. He needed to calm down. Why Ornstein was acting like this was out of his mind! He rushed down the corridors of the cathedral, pacing back and forth, growling.

After around ten minutes he stopped. Most of the steam had left his mind now and he started to realize something. Had Ornstein ever worded out that he wanted physical affection?

They had never spoken out that they were a couple, it just had happened one day and they both knew that they were boyfriends now. Ornstein hadn't ever ask to sleep with him in one bed, but simply started to crawl into it and sleeping snuggled up against him. If he wanted to be stroked, he simply gave Smough a little nudge. If he wanted to cuddle he simply came closer to Smough until the executioner understood what he wanted. Even their first time being intimate had been without words, the dragon slayer simply had started to undress him and expected his boyfriend to do the same. It was part of the reasons why Ornstein often reminded Smough of a cat.

It was all so clear now. Ornstein just hadn't found a way to tell Smough that he wanted to be picked up yet. Because of that he had relied on finding an excuse for it. That was his own special way of telling him that he wanted to be loved.

Now Smough felt really bad. He just had been mad that Ornstein had felt the need to keep lying to him. He should have realized it sooner. Ornstein was much starving for physical affection, but he felt like he wasn't allowed to ever show this or talk about it aloud. And Ornstein also had this thing where he would just break down mentally, because all this bottled up emotions overflowed. Oh no, what had he done? Smough turned around and rushed back to their room.

The executioner found his boyfriend huddled in a corner of the room, trembling and sniffling. Great, he had not only managed to make Ornstein having a break down, but he also was crying because of him. Smough wasn't exactly sure how to tackle this. He sat down next to his boyfriend, considering his options.

While he was still thinking about what he could say, Smough could hear Ornstein speak. "Why do you even want to be together with me? I am such a mess!", he said, sobbing.

"What? Don't say something like that, that isn't true.", Smough said, trying to get a comforting tone into his voice, but it more sounded like he was panicking. What if Ornstein would attempt to do something to himself? Smough often feared that this could happen one day.

"It is true! I can't even ask you for this. Even though I want it. It just feels so wrong. I am not allowed to want this." Ornstein brought out, then sobbed a little more.

It nearly broke Smough's heart in half to see his boyfriend in a state like this. What was he even thinking? He knew how sensible Ornstein was and had gotten mad at him nonetheless. "Ornstein, I came to apologize.", he said. "I should have noticed it sooner. You were always coming up with a fake reason cause you didn't know how to tell me otherwise."

"Still, I have been lying to you. So much that you got mad at me. I shouldn't have done this. I brought this all upon myself." Ornstein sniffled.

"Stop this right now!", Smough said. "I am the reason you are in this state. Please don't blame yourself for it. Besides...", Smough put his hands around Ornstein's waist and picked him up to place him on his lap. "I think now is a pretty good reason to get picked up, don't you think?"

Ornstein just silently pressed against Smough's chest and sobbed a bit more. Smough gently stroked his boyfriend's back, knowing that this kind of affection normally would help him calm down. After a while, Ornstein mumbled something into his shirt, impossible to make out the words.

"What did you say? I couldn't understand a word, kitten."

Ornstein raised his head: "Are you still mad at me?" Interesting, normally he would scold Smough for using this nick name. Smough didn't really use it to tease Ornstein, he just found it fitting for his cat like behaviour.

"I am not mad at you anymore.", Smough said.

"So you don't want to break up...?", Ornstein asked, trembling a bit more.

"What? Ornstein, I have been mad at you because you were lying to me. That doesn't mean that I want to break up. I just want you to be more honest with me. I don't like that you feel the need to lie to me. I would really prefer is this could stop."

Ornstein pressed his head back against Smough's shirt. "I am sorry.", he simply said and fell silent. At least his tears had stopped for now. Smough rummaged around for a handkerchief and wiped his boyfriend's wet face after he found one.

"Hey, what about we find a way for you to tell me that you want to be picked up? I mean, a way in which you don't have to speak it out aloud?"

Ornstein raised his head again and glanced at Smough slighty confused in a way that he had to process what he just had heard, then simply nodded to Smough, giving him a tiny smile.


End file.
